I'll Surrender Up My Heart
by awriterofthings
Summary: Chloe and Beca are broken up. Will they find their way back to each other?
1. Chapter 1

**I'll Surrender Up My Heart **

**Part One**

The air in the auditorium was tense. Everyone knew that Chloe had broken up with Beca the night before and they weren't sure how to act around the two. Beca had shown up late and sat as far away from Chloe as possible, never making eye contact with her ex-girlfriend. Aubrey didn't even have it in her to scold Beca for being late. The brunette was looking depressed and Aubrey honestly kind of just wanted to give her a hug.

Chloe on the other hand, kept stealing glances at the brunette with worry sketched across her face. The breakup had been bad and Chloe hated herself for hurting Beca so much. She had been at her breaking point when she ended things and everything had just gone utterly wrong.

Aubrey knew how much Chloe was into Beca and vice versa. Her own heart was breaking at the sight of the two looking so sad and broken. She was sure the other Bellas felt the same way. Chloe and Beca had been a cute couple and everyone thought they were happy together. Of course Aubrey knew more than the others being Chloe's best friend and all. She knew Chloe had been frustrated that Beca was so closed off and unwilling to share her thoughts and personal feelings with her. However, Aubrey wasn't expecting Chloe to breakup with the DJ. When the redhead had come home sobbing, Aubrey had been shocked to learn that she had ended things. Chloe wanted more out of the relationship and Beca just wasn't ready to give herself fully.

Beca could feel everyone's eyes on her and she hated that they were all probably feeling sorry for her. She couldn't sit here for the next hour or so like this. The stares were suffocating. Beca bolted from her seat, startling the others, and stormed out of the door.

Chloe quickly got up and went to follow her out of the auditorium. She caught her ex entering the bathroom and she briefly thought about giving Beca some space but the thought left her head as quickly as it had appeared. Beca was hurting and she was the cause of it. She needed to do something. Slowly entering the bathroom, Chloe spotted Beca leaning over with her hands against the sink.

Beca raised her head at the sound of someone entering the bathroom. When she saw that it was Chloe, she shook her head and pushed herself away from the sink. "You are the last person that I want to see right now."

"I know but can we talk, please?" Chloe's voice was gentle and unsure.

Beca looked angrily at Chloe. "Sure, let's talk. Where do you want to start? How about we discuss how you broke up with me after our first time together? Or better yet, how you didn't have the decency to do it before I lost my virginity to you."

Chloe took a hesitant step towards the angry brunette. "I didn't plan for that to happen, Beca. I just..." Chloe sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she gathered her thoughts. "I asked you what you were feeling after and you said nothing. Nothing, Beca. How could you be feeling nothing. It was our first time... _your _first time. How can you not feel anything about that?"

Beca clenched her jaw in frustration. "Of course I was feeling things, Chloe. Did you honestly think I wasn't?"

"No, I knew you were and I knew you were thinking in overtime after but you wouldn't tell me what was on your mind. You never tell me what's on your mind. I just wanted to connect with you. I wanted to make sure that you were okay with everything that had happened but you're so damn unwilling to share anything with me. Why is that?"

Beca sighed in annoyance. This was a conversation she had had with Chloe on many occasions. She was supposed to be changing and she knew that, but it was hard for her not to keep her cards close to her chest. She was afraid to show them because the more Chloe knew about her, the easier it would be for her to hurt her. She knew that was a horrible way to think but she couldn't help it. She had been trying, though. For Chloe.

Chloe had been waiting for Beca to answer and became upset when she just stood there silently, thinking but not telling Chloe what she was feeling. "God, Beca! You told me you would open up to me more. Three months ago when we almost broke up, you promised me you would be better at talking to me. I just don't think you're as devoted to this relationship as I am."

Beca moved closer to Chloe, her fists clenched to her sides. "I told you that I loved you! I meant that. I gave myself to you, Chloe!"

"Physically. You gave yourself to me physically. I want the emotional part of you, too. You hold me at arms length. I want it all, Beca. I can't do this," she gestured between the two of them. "If it's not one hundred percent."

"I-," Beca stopped speaking and sighed. She wanted to be with Chloe. The redhead made her happy. She just couldn't give her what she wanted right now. "If you could just be patient with me."

Chloe's shoulders dropped. She was emotionally drained. "I have been patient with you but you haven't shown me anything that's making me want to continue to do so. I'm sorry."

Beca wiped the tear that started to roll down her cheek. She knew Chloe was right but she was hoping that she would be more understanding. She was new to all of this. Chloe had been her first real relationship. Her first real _everything. _

Chloe reached out a hand to her ex-girlfriend. "I do love you, Beca."

Beca pushed Chloe's hand away from her. "Don't. Just forget it." Beca moved past Chloe, heading for the door but the redhead quickly grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back.

"Don't run from me. Just talk to me, please," Chloe pleaded.

Feeling Chloe touch her made Beca hurt more. She wouldn't be able to feel the comforting warmth of Chloe's hands on her again and it broke the last pieces of her heart. "I need to go," Beca choked out, pulling out of Chloe's grasp. She exited the bathroom quickly, leaving Chloe alone with her pain.

Chloe squeezed her eyes shut to keep from emotionally breaking. She took a few deep breaths and once she was sure she wouldn't cry, she left the bathroom. Upon her exit, she saw Aubrey leaning against the wall waiting for her.

Aubrey had seen Beca rush out of the bathroom and when she had tried to talk to her, the brunette simply instructed her to look after Chloe before heading out of the building. Aubrey took a step towards her best friend and saw that Chloe was seconds away from falling apart as she tried to stop herself from crying. She pulled the shorter girl into a hug. "It'll be okay. Let's get you home."

* * *

It wasn't okay. Beca spent the next week avoiding Chloe the best she could outside of the Bellas while the redhead lost herself in everything and anything just to keep her mind off of her ex-girlfriend. It didn't help that they had lost their chance to go to the nationals.

Aubrey was sitting on the edge of Chloe's bed as she watched Chloe pack her suitcase. The semester was coming to an end and Chloe was leaving to have surgery on her vocal nodules. "You should tell her."

"She's not talking to me." Chloe continued to shove things in her bag.

"She'd want to know," Aubrey urged.

"I don't want to tell her." Chloe stopped her actions to look at Aubrey. "And you promised me you wouldn't say anything."

"And I won't," Aubrey said. "I just think you should tell her."

Chloe zipped up her suitcase and moved to sit next to Aubrey. She had to give it to her. She had been a mess but Aubrey had done her best to help her keep her shit together. She rested her head on her best friend's shoulder. "Thanks for being here for me."

Aubrey patted Chloe on the knee. "That's what best friends are for, right?"

Chloe bit her lower lip but didn't say anything as she tried not to ask Aubrey about how Beca was doing and what the brunette had been up to.

Aubrey smiled knowing what Chloe wanted to ask her. "Want an update?"

Chloe shrugged. "I wasn't asking but if you're offering..."

Aubrey rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. "She's staying here and working at the station during the break. She's supposed to spend time with her father, too. They've been working on their relationship."

Chloe nodded. She was glad that Beca was giving her father a chance. She knew that Beca's parents had a messy divorce and had been encouraging her to at least try to establish a relationship with him. "Thanks."

Aubrey tilted her head so that it was resting on Chloe's. "You're welcome."

"I miss her."

"I know."

"I didn't want to breakup with her. It just wasn't working. And I don't want her to change. I love who she is. I just want her to talk to me. I want to know what she's feeling. I love her. Why can't she understand that?"

"Because she's Beca."

"Yeah." Chloe agreed as if that explained everything. "She's Beca."


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

Beca was sitting in the dining room eating dinner with her father. Neither of them had spoken since they started eating and she was grateful for that. She was also grateful that her step-mother was away on a business trip because trying to bond with her father was one thing, but trying to get along with a woman she had loathed since she found out her father was remarrying would've been too much.

Beca's mind wandered to Chloe and what the redhead could possibly be doing. She had briefly thought about texting her ex-girlfriend but then thought the better of it. What good could come from it?

"So," Beca's father began before taking a sip of his drink. "How's your girlfriend? Chloe, right? You two still bummed about not making it to the finals?"

Beca fought the urge to roll her eyes at her father's attempt at a conversation. The man had seen her and Chloe a few weeks ago holding hands as they walked around campus and had approached them to find out who the redhead was. Beca had introduced them and was surprised when the man had invited them to have dinner some time. It never happened. Beca had refused even though Chloe had wanted to spend time with the man to learn about how the brunette was as a kid seeing as how Beca never shared the information herself.

Beca continued to poke and move her food around on her plate until she realized she hadn't answered the question. "Oh, um, we broke up."

Mr. Mitchell nodded in understanding. He could tell that something had been bothering his daughter. She wasn't throwing insults or being sarcastic like she was prone to do. At first he thought she might've just been uncomfortable with having dinner with him but she looked sad. He hadn't known how to bring it up so he left it alone, but now he knew.

Her father was giving her a sympathetic look and Beca stared down at her plate so she couldn't see it. She was tempted to leave. She really just wanted to be back in her dorm alone, making mixes.

"That's rough," her father stated awkwardly. "What happened?"

Beca set her fork down and looked at her father. "Apparently I'm emotionally unavailable. Kind of like you were with Mom so maybe we're more alike than we think."

"Beca," Mr. Mitchell began in exasperation.

Beca held her hands up. "I'm not trying to start anything. Just stating a fact. She wants me to be more open and I was trying. At least I thought I was but... she left me." Beca stood up from the table. "I'm sorry. This was a bad night for this. I'm just gonna head out, okay? I'll see you whenever." Beca left the dining room before her father could stop her. She just wanted to be alone with her feelings right now.

* * *

Beca was sitting in her room listening to a mix she had made about her breakup with Chloe. She was being sad and pathetic but she didn't care. She was a ball of self-loathing right now and she just wanted her girlfriend back. She wondered if the redhead had moved on. It hadn't been that long since the breakup so she was probably worrying for nothing. She wouldn't be able to stand seeing Chloe with someone else. Why had she gotten into a relationship to begin with? She should've known it would've ended in heartbreak. Oh, that's right. She had gotten a huge crush on Chloe and it had been obvious to the point where Chloe had actually told the brunette to ask her out if she wanted to. And Beca did. It was awkward and she stuttered, but she asked and Chloe said yes.

A vibration on her bed alerted her to a text message and she picked it up to see who it was. Chloe's name flashed on the screen and Beca quickly opened the message. Maybe Chloe had changed her mind and was going to give her another chance.

_ We're back in the Finals. The Footnotes guy was in high school._

Beca's heart rose then sunk immediately thereafter. That wasn't what she was hoping to read. It was good news but she would've been happier with an "I miss you. Let's get back together" message. At least Chloe had thought about her long enough to text her this. Looking on the bright side, right?

Beca tried to have willpower. She really did, but before she knew it she was responding to the text with her heart instead of her head.

_I miss you. Can we talk... please?_

Beca let out a breath as she hit the send button. She busied herself with messing with one of her mixes as she waited for her ex to respond. When her phone vibrated again, she quickly grabbed it.

_Go ahead. I'm listening._

Beca froze. She didn't know what to say. That she would change? That she would suddenly share all of her feelings? Chloe wouldn't believe that. She didn't even believe it herself. Sighing, Beca began to type a response.

_In person. I want to see you._

Beca missed Chloe more than she thought was possible. She was used to letting things go after her father had left. When her pet had died her freshman year of high school, she never shed a tear. When her best friend moved, she got over it rather quickly. But Chloe? Chloe was all encompassing. Beca couldn't shake her from her heart even if she had actually wanted to. She missed the way the redhead made her feel like she was the most important person when she was around her. She missed the sound of her laughter and her beautiful smile. She missed their playful banter. Everything. She missed it all.

_Can't until after spring break... I had nodes surgery. _

Beca frowned as she read the message again. Chloe had spoken about maybe having the surgery but hadn't decided and now she was learning that her ex had gone through with it without informing her.

Beca: _Why didn't you tell me? I would've been there for you._

Chloe:_ It's fine. My parents are with me._

Beca:_ Did you tell anyone?_

Chloe:_ Aubrey. And I told her not to tell you. I didn't want you worrying. I'm fine, Beca._

Before Beca could finish her text, Chloe responded with a slew of her own.

_Don't worry about me. Surgery went well. I'll be back on campus by the end of the week. We can talk but there's not much else left to be said. You're not ready for a relationship where you have to give yourself emotionally to someone else. I get it. It's just the way you are. I'm not upset anymore. I have to go. _

Beca fought the urge to throw her phone. She's not upset anymore? What did that mean? Did that mean she didn't care anymore? Had she moved on? That was fine. Beca could move on, too. She went through the contact list on her phone in search of a specific number. When she found it, she dialed it after a moment of hesitation. "Hey, are you busy?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three**

A week had passed and Chloe and Beca hadn't said a word to one another. Chloe figured Beca was still upset with her for not letting her know about her surgery. Her plan was to give the girl some space and then talk to her to see if they could try to be friends. Despite what Beca might think, Chloe really did miss her, but upon returning to school Chloe came to realize that Beca had become close friends with Jesse.

"Like seriously what even is that?" Chloe gestured angrily over to her ex who was sitting with Jesse by a tree.

Aubrey shrugged as she walked with Chloe. "They're friends."

"Just friends?" Chloe asked.

"Honestly? I don't know," Aubrey replied. "She's been avoiding me, too. She doesn't talk to me outside of the Bellas."

Chloe huffed. "She doesn't talk to me at all. I really hurt her by not telling her about the surgery." Chloe looked away from Beca to look at Aubrey. "I want her back."

"Then you should-,"

"-no, I shouldn't," Chloe said before Aubrey could finish her sentence. "I can't be with her if she's not going to open up to me. We'll just get in the same fight over again. I just don't understand how she can move on so quickly."

"She might not have moved on," Aubrey said. "You're jumping to conclusions."

"But every time I see her she's with him," Chloe stated. "What else can that mean?"

"Let's just go home and have some ice cream," Aubrey said. "You're thinking too much." Aubrey made a mental note to find out what the hell Beca was doing with Jesse but for right now she needed to take care of her best friend.

* * *

Beca had seen Chloe and was trying her best not to stare at the redhead. She missed her so much but by Chloe not telling her about the surgery, she knew that her ex-girlfriend didn't want her in her life. As Beca lost herself in thought, she saw a hand waving in front of her face. She pushed it away and looked at the owner of the hand.

"You still with me?" Jesse asked.

"Uh, yeah, sorry." Beca had only been hanging out with Jesse to take her mind off of Chloe but that wasn't really working out for her.

"Are you okay?"

Beca nodded.

"Then why does it look like hanging out with me is causing you physical pain?" Jesse asked with an arched brow.

Beca sighed. "I'm sorry. I've been using you to keep my mind off of other things but it's just not working."

Jesse placed a hand to his chest. "Ouch."

"I mean, I like hanging out with you and I thought it would help me get over Chloe but it's not," Beca admitted.

Jesse nodded in understanding. "Why'd you two breakup anyway?"

Beca ran a hand through her hair and let out a sigh. "I'm a horrible girlfriend. I can't express myself how she wants me to and it upsets her. And I don't know if I'll be able to change that anytime soon."

"Why are you afraid to open up yourself to her?" Jesse asked.

Beca shrugged.

Jesse shook his head at the brunette. "I think you do know and unless you want Chloe to find someone else, I'd do something about it... and fast. So... why are you afraid to let her in?"

Beca bit her lower lip and thought about it before answering. "I don't want to get hurt. If I give myself to her the way she wants me to, she will have the capability of hurting me more than anyone ever could."

"Do you trust her?" Jesse asked.

"I do but-,"

"There are no buts," Jesse said.

"You either trust her or you don't."

"I trust her."

"Then maybe you're afraid of something else," Jesse said as he stood up. "Think about it. I have to head to class but I'll see you around."

Beca said her goodbyes and leaned back against the tree to think about what was stopping her from being what Chloe wanted.

* * *

Chloe tossed a picture of her and Beca into the trashcan where a bunch of the DJ's things already lay awaiting for their demise. She looked to Aubrey with hesitation. "Do I really want to do this?"

"Probably not," Aubrey said as she held the matches in her hand. "You might regret it later."

"Aubrey," Chloe groaned. "You're supposed to be on my side. Encourage me to do this."

"Sorry." Aubrey cleared her throat and spoke again. "Go ahead and burn everything that reminds you of Beca. You won't regret it and cry about not having the picture from your first date right afterwards. Go for it."

"You're no help," Chloe pouted and pulled the picture of her and Beca out of the trashcan. "This was a really great date. She wouldn't want anyone to know but Beca's a real softy."

Aubrey smiled. "I'm aware... especially when it comes to you."

"I don't think I made the right choice," Chloe said, sadly. "I love her so much. I shouldn't have pushed so hard. She just needed me to be patient."

"And you were," Aubrey pointed out. "This isn't all your fault. You both I think you both need to sit down and talk this out."

"And what about Jesse?" Chloe asked.

"If she is with him, I'll kick her ass," Aubrey stated.

There was a knock at the door and Aubrey went to go answer it. She peeped through the hole in the door and looked back at Chloe. "I'll be right back." She opened the door and pushed a confused Beca back against the wall. "Why are you here?"

"Can you not manhandle me please?" Beca asked as she moved away from Aubrey. "I want to speak to Chloe."

"Okay, listen 'cause I'm only going to say this once. I like you. You make Chloe happy and anything that makes my best friend happy is all right in my books, but right now you're royally fucking up. Are you and Jesse a thing? And I'm warning you now if the answer is yes, I'm breaking every bone in your body."

Chloe exited her apartment and stepped between her best friend and her ex-girlfriend. "Whoa, there will be no bodily harm. Aubrey can I speak to Beca alone?"

Aubrey rolled her eyes and headed back inside.

"Sorry about her," Chloe said. "She's overprotective."

"No, it's fine. I get it," Beca said. "I like that you have someone taking care of you."

There was a moment of silence before Chloe opened her apartment door and gestured for Beca to enter. The brunette walked in and was glad to see that Aubrey had headed to her room. She then noticed the trashcan with the things she had given Chloe and frowned.

Beca moved to the trashcan and dug through it. She then spotted the matches and looked at Chloe with disbelief. "You were going to set this stuff on fire?"

"Aubrey talked me out of it." Chloe leaned against the front door. "So why are you here, Beca? You've been ignoring me for a week."

"I know. I've been a jerk this past week. I was... still am... upset with you for not telling me about your surgery. I would've wanted to be there for you. I thought maybe that was a sign that you didn't want me around anymore so I-,"

"Started dating Jesse?" Chloe asked as she looked down at the floor.

"No," Beca shook her head and moved closer to Chloe. "I was just hanging out with him to keep my mind off of you. It wasn't anything like what you're thinking." Beca reached into her pocket and pulled out a flash drive. "Here."

Chloe took the small device. "What's this for?"

"I made a mix of my life up until now. I want us to listen to them together and I'll explain to you what every song means to me. Music is the best way I know how to express myself."

Chloe smiled and looked at the flash drive that promised so much.

"I thought I was keeping my feelings to myself because I was afraid of getting hurt but that's not it."

Chloe pushed away from the door and moved closer to Beca. "What is it then?"

Beca reached for Chloe's hand and was glad when the redhead didn't pull away from her. "I'm afraid of hurting you. You're this amazing, bubbly person and I don't want to do something stupid to change that."

"I love you, Beca," Chloe said. "I don't want us to be ruined by what ifs."

"So you'll take me back?" Beca asked, her heart racing. "I know you've given me a second chance already so I'll understand if-," Beca's sentence was cut off by Chloe's lips on hers. She placed her hand on the redhead's hips and deepened the kiss.

When they broke apart, Chloe rested her forehead on Beca's. "Let's not do this again."

"I'm with you on that one," Beca laughed. "Ready for the story of my life?"

Chloe smiled big. "I am." Beca allowed Chloe to pull her into her bedroom. The two got comfortable on the bed and Beca surrendered up her heart the best way she knew how. Through music.


End file.
